26 Weeks … A Week And A Half Ago

Oops. Life has been getting away from me lately.

Everything is still totally great, I just feel like I barely ever get a minute to myself. When I do, I just want to spend it sleeping or knitting or otherwise indulging in laziness. My dad came to visit last week, so I was completely occupied with that. It was a nice visit, but I’m glad to be done with house guests for a while, until my mom comes to help with the baby. I am still working full time until annoyingly late in the evenings. I do have an official last day at work, which will be December 14, at 36 weeks. Part of me would really prefer it to be November 14 instead, but, I still have a ton of projects I want to get done at work before I can leave without guilt. (This library was sorely in need of an actual librarian when I got there. Catalog records can’t really be done the same way as MLA citations… or is that just me?) Anyway, I am definitely looking forward to my month of nesting and taking it easy, barring any unplanned early arrival by Azuki Bean.

By the way. I don’t know if I’ve brought this up, but I have no idea whether to “count” my first pregnancy as pertains to how it might affect the whole delivery thing. As in, a first pregnancy is more likely than a subsequent one to go past the due date, and a subsequent delivery tends to be faster. So I keep wondering, in that scientific curiosity sort of way, to what extent will my preterm labor and delivery influence this one?

And on that note… Wishing a happy 18 month birthday to A, B, & C this past Sunday.

***

Standard update stuff is in order. I think I was up like 21 lbs at the start of last week (I know I’m at +22.5 today), so still consistent with the trend. I’m giving up on complaining about it (for now). My diet is far from the well balanced, lovingly prepared, all organic menu I wish I had access to, but I don’t think I’m eating so very badly, and I haven’t noticed myself getting bigger anywhere but the belly, so, fine. Yeah, I’m ahead of where I want to be. I should probably start adjusting my expectations. Behold my glorious belly:

26 weeks

Yes, the photo was actually from last week, even though it hasn’t made it to the internet until now.

My 26 week checkup at the byouin was good, too. Measurements are still ahead according to their numbers but seem just about on track on the web. My blood pressure was downright normal (the first try!), and my glucose test was great. The threshold for further testing is 130, and my blood sugar was… 97. Nowhere even close to gestational diabetes, apparently. And indeed I did get another ultrasound (number 6!), which included some nice images of her little face in profile.

Looks like daddy

Just because it has the numbers.

First Birthday

Unbelievably, it was a year ago tonight that our triplets were born and we were a family of five. Unbelievable because it feels like so long ago. Unbelievable because it feels like no time has passed at all. Unbelievable because of how different I thought our life was going to be today, a year and a week ago. It turns out our life looks just the same as it did before, or at least how we’d been planning for it to look before I got pregnant.

The same, except for us being so sharply incomplete.

I feel obligated to post something amazing and meaningful tonight. A poem I’ve written. A painting I’ve done. An account of dreams I’ve had where my children have visited me. Maybe even a photo of the world’s saddest birthday cake. But I don’t have any of those things to share. I just have this permanent hole in my heart. The edges aren’t as ragged as they used to be.

Ceremonially I lit the triplets’ candles this evening, and I read through old blog posts and looked at the photos. It almost feels like it happened to somebody else. I don’t have their footprint cards or the tiny hats they wore or the blanket I made or any of the stuff we’d bought for them, all in a box packed neatly with all the other boxes that still are somewhere in between our house in Rhode Island and our house in Japan. We do have them here with us, their urns, and the candle holders.

I still don’t know how much I would do differently if I could. All of it. None of it. Somewhere in between… Not that it makes any difference.

Happy birthday little ones. We love you always.

6 Months: Commemoration

For the triplets’ six month birthday, we got ourselves a present.

Hubs' ink, left chest.

Triple spiral.

Triple spiral tattoo, close up and non blurry.

We’re both pleased (albeit somewhat tender). I think both came out just like we wanted. I love knowing they now have a permanent, physical presence wherever I am. It’s extremely fulfilling and comforting.

Two Months

Another mark on the calendar passes by today. Happy two month birthday, Archer, Beatrice, and Collin. Sixty-one days since I carried and then held you. A lot is already fading away, but not my love.