I’ve talked around the subject a little bit on the blog, but haven’t really delved into it. When are we planning to try again to have another baby?
Of course there is the clinical consideration. Dr. G advised we wait until after the first cycle so that things had plenty of time to heal. A new cycle hasn’t arrived yet. The slow leak is clearing (literally) but the situation down below isn’t totally normal yet. My BBT has been all over the place, which might have something to do with how terribly inconsistent my temping habits have gotten. I’ve felt an urge lately to take the progesterone pills that I still have left over, but not because I’m in any hurry. It just might be reassuring to have things already in working order when I am otherwise ready.
My first inclination after losing the last pregnancy was to wait for quite a while. I was worried that if I was pregnant again right away, the emotions would be hugely complicated and confusing, and how I felt about one pregnancy would be so inextricably tangled with the other that it wouldn’t be fair to any baby, past or future. I have heard other women saying, after their own losses, that if they can be pregnant again by the time the original due date comes, that will ease the pain. While I can understand that desire, personally I didn’t feel that way. I felt like making that a goal would mean psychologically trying to replace the triplets. So initially I wasn’t planning to start trying again until after their due date – but which one? The forty week one? The full term date? The more realistic 32 week estimate? Getting hung up on planning a specific date after which it would suddenly feel okay… well, that seemed ridiculous. As more weeks go by, the timing seems to matter less, and the initial worry has subsided. Ultimately we still want to have a child just as much as we did six months ago. I think I have reached the point where I can detach a new pregnancy from the last one emotionally. Not completely, I’m sure, especially once it actually happens and the hormonal floodgates are opened – but enough that it isn’t a primary obstacle to trying again. The lost pregnancy and the future one can be distinct, whether the theoretical calendars overlapped or not.
Instead, the primary obstacle is all about practicality. And the Navy.
Hubs’ “Leadership School” started today. I ranted at length about this school and all the ways it complicated my calendar nearly a year ago. Astonishing to me that it’s been that long… The school lasts just about 6 months and then we move again, somewhere in the December/January time frame. A year ago I was concerned about going into labor on our cross country drive, but after everything I’m now pretty anxious about the idea of moving even in the second trimester. Because I’m fairly convinced that next time it won’t be multiples and therefore probably not as high risk, I’m willing to consider attempting a move up to maybe six months pregnant, which means waiting at least until toward the end of the summer.
The bigger issue, though, is that we have no idea yet where we’re moving or what Hubs’ new duty station will bring. We turned down his Japan orders because of the triplets, and the detailers haven’t found a new job for him yet. Right now and for the last couple of years, he has been on shore duty. Next year he’ll go back to sea duty. Basically, it works thusly: while on shore duty, he has a desk job and there is zero chance of him being deployed. While on sea duty, he is stationed on a ship, and that ship spends some of its time out to sea, and some of its time in home port (where it’s just like a floating office, and he can come home nearly every night). The out to sea time may be a 6+ month deployment, or it may be a series of short week-long training exercises, or anything in between. Therefore, shore duty is the ‘correct’ time for Navy people to have babies. Well, that ship has sailed, as they say. If we planned to wait until the next shore tour, that means probably 2015 until we give it the green light. I’m not really ready to call that the best solution.
Right now we’re kind of in limbo, waiting for orders so we can attempt to investigate the new ship’s schedule, and find out if things would be just somewhat lousy or really terrible. Clearly if he’s going straight to a deployment, then we’ll be waiting quite a bit longer. There are more complicated possible scenarios, such as “What if there’s a deployment scheduled, but it isn’t for some time after we get there?” or “What if he’ll catch the second half of a deployment and would miss part of the pregnancy, but would be back in time for the delivery?” We honestly haven’t worked out what we might choose do in all of these scenarios, and I’m trying not to dwell on the full range of prospective problems until we actually know which of the problems we are in fact facing.
This is all presuming, incorrectly of course, that we have any control over our ability to actually get pregnant just because we’re trying to do so. Right, since that went so smoothly the last time. It only makes it more exasperating, waiting to even decide whether we’re waiting or not. At the moment it’s not such a big deal, since there’s still the actual physical impediment in the way. However, once I do start ovulating again, I know it will be a real struggle flushing away opportunities when they just don’t come that often.