R’s Anchor Baby

Because we haven’t had enough of those “Why her and not me??”/Facebook pregnancy announcement stories…

I met R at the crappy job I had as an undergrad, and then she wound up being a maid of honor in my wedding. She was an extremely sweet little hippy kid. We haven’t stayed extremely close over the last 5 years, but she is one of those FB friends that I pay closer attention to. Last year she left North Carolina for Mexico – she was going to teach English short term, and then it became not-so-short-term, and she hasn’t yet returned. Mostly through status messages and pictures I heard about her new boyfriend, her new house, her new puppy. Then a couple of days ago, she posted, “It’s a boy!” which was followed some hours later with ultrasonografia shots.

This one was kind of a bombshell for me. For one, that’s quite a way to announce it. It’s like, direct and yet ambiguous simultaneously. I went back through her wall, wondering if she might be talking about somebody else – a sister or friend or something, because it was so surprising. This was, indeed, the first mention. Her previous status update was about sandals. I mean, props to her for not being obsessive about it and managing to have non-pregnancy-related status updates. Photo album comments confirmed that R herself is the mom-to-be. To make things even more interesting, there were ostensible family members (same last name as R, anyway) who were commenting, “Wait, run that one by me again?”

She seems excited, so I’m excited for her (yes, really). Still, if we had stayed closer, I would be going, “Um, you didn’t really plan this, did you?” You meet one cute Oaxacan boy and suddenly one life adventure shifts into a totally different adventure… Either that or her work visa is running out and it’s a ‘reverse anchor baby.’ Ok, admittedly I’m a jerk for saying that, but I am experiencing the obligatory “Life’s so unfair” moment here. Pregnancy is so easy that it happens by accident while she’s living life. And she probably will not ever appreciate that.

What really sucks is how this experience of trying affects how you feel about your own friends. I don’t want to feel like nobody I know relates to what I’m going through. I don’t want to have these horrible jealous flares over every pregnancy announcement. I want to be able to be happy for them without any caveats.


2 thoughts on “R’s Anchor Baby

  1. well it’s been a completely shit day all around. i’m starting to dread Facebook for some of those pregnant “friends” – especially the accidental ones. I’m not generally prone to self-pity and “why me?”s (or rather “why not me?”s) and i hate that Facebook brings that out in me so much… I’m sorry it’s going that way for you right now, too.

    • I wish I could say I’m not prone to that, but realistically I sort of am I think. Usually I can repress those feelings pretty well though… I am becoming conscious of how grumpy and whiny I’m getting on the blog, but it’s kind of the most appropriate place I have to express those feelings.

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