I pronounce myself totally drained. I don’t seem to even have the attention span for the conceiving efforts at the moment. I have only forgotten to temp once, but I keep forgetting to write it down in the morning. I don’t even know without looking what CD or DPO I’m on. The obsession might seem unhealthy if you haven’t been there yourself, but some part of it really is enthusiasm, and at the moment mine has all gone away.

The good news, if you can call it that, is that the apathy probably has more to do with outside stressors than fertility frustrations. Either way, I am really not expecting any big surprises as this cycle winds down. I’m starting to get little signals and twitches and things, but instead of letting my brain go immediately to hey maybe..!!, for the most part I’ve been automatically assuming it’s PMS and any minute now the period will start. (I have to include that “for the most part” phrase in there because I will confess to poking myself in the boob for like 20 minutes last night going “That does kind of hurt.”) It is getting close to the day (like I said, I can’t remember which day I’m on… I think it’s supposed to be Friday) I’m supposed to call the doctor back and let him know how things went with the Clomid. So if the period doesn’t show by, well, probably Thursday, then I predict testing in my future.

From the get-go I didn’t feel like this was going to be the month… and so it probably won’t. I’m kind of alright with that. Not that I wouldn’t be delighted to be wrong – just maybe I do need to take some time and get some other things sorted out better, so I could focus on being excited. Presently I am just worn out.

tired baby

Sleepy baby photo from Almoko via Flickr's Creative Commons


2 thoughts on “Self-Fulfilling

  1. you need a VACATION! somewhere incredibly relaxing, preferably with a hot tub… On a selfish note, although i do of course hope that your period never arrives, it’s nice to not be losing yet another buddy. Seems like everyone i’ve met along the way is pregnant now, and i don’t want to get left behind by you, too!

    (but obviously i’d be thrilled for you. i mean, if someone gave me a choice right now between you continuing to be my trying buddy or being pregnant this time, i’d choose you being pregnant in less than a heartbeat! and i’d choose to give you your enthusiasm back, too.)

    • Awwww. I know exactly what you mean. I think the only fair solution is for us both to get pregnant on the same cycle. Ha, maybe our cycles will sync up and we’ll wind up with the same due date and everything. Karmic twins. 🙂

      Unfortunately I’m tagging out for September because of May’s scheduling craziness. So the above scenario will not play out next month… I’ll still pull for you though, and I’ll try not to be too jealous if you beat me to it!

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