Two days ago, I was exceedingly rude to everyone in my general vicinity for no good reason. Then Hubs made me go to the farmers’ market, which I hate anyway because it’s way too crowded, and most everyone there is either witheringly righteous over their all-organic lifestyle and oblivious to the outside world, or smells like they haven’t showered since 2007. Plus the produce is neither better nor cheaper than at the Whole Foods a mile away. (Hubs really wanted pickling cucumbers and WF didn’t have any.) As I was feeling the panic attack welling up in my chest, up walks my semi-friend Z and her husband T, with their brand new stroller and their brand new daughter. We hadn’t met the baby yet, nor did Z make any sort of offer to open up the stroller cover and let us take even the teeniest peek. Maybe she could tell how spazztastic I was with the market mayhem, and they didn’t want that energy around their one-month-old; I guess that’s fair, but come on, at least make up an excuse about how she’s “finally asleep” or something… It was awkward in an I-guess-you-had-to-be-there way. I tried to make a joke and wound up insulting them instead, then finally I just gave up and escaped to the car with my bag of cukes. I think I sat on the couch and played a stupid game until 9:30 when it was just barely late enough that I could go to bed without feeling like a loser.
Then yesterday I kind of felt lousy off and on throughout the day, including a touch of what seemed an awful lot like the menstrual headache I regularly get. Today is better except that I’m extremely sleepy. The pattern is very much like my normal PMS routine – but it’s only CD22 today, when my last several cycles have been in the over-30 day range, so PMS at this point seems kind of dumb. I want to blame it all, all the early PMS signs and everything else that is slightly off, on the Clomid. But I just have no idea what part of the hormonal weirdness is innate to my uterus and what part is artificially introduced. The medication hasn’t even worked. The OPKs I showed off were the closest to positive that I’ve gotten, and they have been more conclusively negative since then. No excitement in my temperature chart, either. The spotting I keep complaining about continues to come and go without any rhyme or reason, just irritating inexplicableness. It could all be stress, maybe? We’re going out of town this weekend, and then having two different sets of house guests next week; plus tomorrow is the day Hubs is supposed to hear where the Navy is sending us for his next duty. I have been freaking out over it, while Hubs is annoyingly zen and will barely bother to even speculate with me.
Damn, that was some whiny, trivial crap. Sorry for making you listen to me bitch about basically nothing – but it’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to. At least you can tell why I’ve been slack about blogging. It would be better if I was funnier. How about some visual interest? Other people’s babies encapsulating my emotional state?